He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
