I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
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this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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