There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
