so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
