There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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