well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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