her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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