I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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