you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this just has baby written all over it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
