Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she smelled like a LAN party
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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