i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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