When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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