There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
honey bunches of taint.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
