You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
