just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
