I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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