I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
