i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize