Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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