Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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