Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
