you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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