you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
