I'm really into asian looking animals
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
