I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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