Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
