oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
