4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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