Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
