Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober