Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.