i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.