the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
from now on my penis is your penis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree