Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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