Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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