apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
