Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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