when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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