Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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