i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
