I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
