He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize