alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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