I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize