I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
