A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
