He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
