Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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