it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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