That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
