Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
