today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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