His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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