White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
