drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize