Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
