After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
