You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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