In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
