ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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