Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
