The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
