shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize