I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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